the only life worth living is one that is truthful to yourself
“Confront the dark parts of yourself,
work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness.
Your willingness to wrestle with your demons
will cause your angels to sing.” (August Wilson)
a week before you broke up with me
you admitted your depression had reared up
making you withdrawn, distant
short-tempered and confused
you said you didn’t want to talk about it
because doing so made it real
as if you could make a chemical imbalance
cease to exist
simply by ignoring it
the weakest thing in the world is pretending.
the truth will set you free
i walk because
when i sit my thoughts go nowhere
they circle around and around
like flies to a carcass
questions flitting from one answer to the next
never landing on anything
never reaching a conclusion
when i walk they move with me
they reach somewhere
they leave me
my mind clears once again
the incessant barking to figure it out
questions that never leave
you said we werent on the same page and you were right
why would anyone want to be as miserable as you?
weird that you go after women
full of joy and life
you once called yourself a black hole
that might be the truest thing you ever said
you once said
“i’ve never felt this way about anyone before.
every other time i was in a relationship
it was just kinda like ‘ehhh i guess i’ll do this.’”
which at the time i thought was sweet
but is actually so incredibly shitty
how could you be so cavalier about other people’s feelings?
why would you do that to them?
or was that just
one of the lies you tell yourself
will you say that about me too?
it felt good
to throw your toothbrush away
listening to cocoon by milky chance
it’s not our song it’s mine.
you once said you were attracted to strong women
is that because we’re more fun to break?
I was sitting upright on the examination table, waiting
for that special team they call in for cases like mine
when a janitor walked in to switch out the trash.
“How are you doing?” He said
“Alright” – the best I could manage
“Then why are you up there on that table?”
A wry smile and silence
“But you will be alright.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I will be.”
“But you’re not alright now, so why did you say you are?”
“I don’t know, people lie about that all the time.
You ask how they are and they just smile and say they’re fine.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” he said, his tired eyes locked on mine,
“But there’s a time and a place for everything,
and you don’t have to say you’re alright right now.”